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My experience on the wolf.

Posted: Sun Mar 07, 2021 11:01 am
by rain
TW: abusive behaviour, grooming, manipulation, self harm, sexual assault
I am not trying to guilt anyone. My experience is not your responsibility and I apologise if you take it that way. Purely emotional driven.

I never really wanted to have a last post, simply because I had no reason to. Even now, I am doubting if I should make this. Everything is telling me to stop writing at this point but I feel like I've had everything bottled up for all these years and I should say something. I do not care for whatever reputation in this community I have built up, or if you see this as attention seeking. I am here because this isn't something that should be taken lightly by anyone and I finally came to the realisation of how sickening my life had become during the years I was chained to this game. Yes I am biased, yes I am doing saying controversial things. I do not care if I am banned from these forums, because I no longer have any ties after this. I do not want any apologies or condolences. I am here to share my experience. I am past everything now, which is why I am okay with talking about it.

First of all, I joined this game back in 2017, a few months after it was released into the store. I was young, and I shouldn't have been on this game, I can admit. It was fine at first. Barely anyone spoke to each other. As I got to know more people, I began to be dragged into situations where I was pressured to speak in toxic manners about others. Of course, as a very young person I was easily influenced. The first time I can recall, was a rather odd situation. There was a girl, who was talking sexually with someone in the public chat, graphically. I kept my chat open because there was someone I knew in the same room. And that person I knew was the very cause for the words flung at her. That's when I started to normalise this behaviour. You can say that a young person shouldn't be playing this game, or have parental supervision. However, with or without the parental guidance, it doesn't make any of this behaviour okay, at all.

Forward to 2018, where I started knowing more people, gaining more connections. This was also the time where the game started to bloom, both in the good and bad. I'm here to talk about the bad so let's just say that there was a particular group of people I knew. Two of them, I considered to be good people, and I had seen them a lot in servers. I was fine, then I entered a pvp room with them. I was on the opposing team, and this was the time where you were able to talk to the other team. Of course, a lot of things happened. Everyone was tense and aggressive, because it was a war. Insults that started as "weak" or "stupid" quickly became phrases telling me to die, saying inappropriate things. And me, a young teen, started to believe they were right. So I agreed with them, hoping that it would make them stop. They didn't though. They threatened me, telling me that they would hunt me and find me. Obviously these are all empty threats, but looking back at it now, I remember being frozen in my spot, actually fearful. I was not in the better, I had also thrown insults here and there, because as humans we hate losing a fight. I eventually changed my name because random people were coming after me. One of them figured out it was me. You can try and justify their actions by saying that I could have just left, or I could have just done this or that. Let it be known, that I had looked up to these people and I didn't want to appear weak in front of them. They were also aware of my age. In the future, I had made up with one of them and they had apologised. It was a simple "sorry" and for some odd reason I felt obliged to say the same, for overreacting. That was my first experience of manipulation.

From there, I became obsessed with this game. I was so desperately searching for people who were good. I remember dreading this game, yet still hanging on because I thought that was the only way I could prove that those people hadn't impacted me. I wasn't someone who spoke much, I have had old friends tell me that. I was a quiet person who only existed for the gameplay. That was the very thing I had expected of me. I was drawn into toxic fights, verbal abuse and emotional abuse. People who I had friended asked me to join them to basically assault others through text. They would ask me if so and so were bad people and I would agree because I believed they were my friends. I started to grow numb to everything. I had even started telling my friend in real life, that I enjoyed the drama. I took pride in my experiences because people on this game had told me "it makes you mature" - and that was what I wanted to be. Those were lies existed to shield myself from ditching the game early on. I didn't think I was being manipulated. I just thought it was normal. Even as arguments became progressively sexual and personal, I still remained in there, led to think it was fine. I remember this one time, someone had made me feel guilty to the point where when they asked for contact details, I gave it to them. They were easily years older than me. But at that point I was blind to that fact.

On the point of manipulation, there have been people in this game who victimised themselves, pressuring me to be the one to apologise for things I didn't do to them. I was blamed for other relationships falling apart, was made responsible for others lives, and sometimes even mundane things. There was a time where someone removed me from their friend list a few times, and eventually put the blame on me. His friend was there supporting him, someone who I had never met, someone who didn't know anything about me. I cried that day. I thought I had done something horrible and that I couldn't lose such a great friend. I came crawling back, because that was what people had taught me. We don't talk now. Thankfully.

In 2019 I had become lone again, simply because everyone lost interest in the game. It made me selfish, and I started reflecting the people around me once. I would meet people, feel afraid and leave. It was a cycle. And I would feel sick every single day. I planned to stay alone since I didn't want to be apart of all the violence. However, I did start to gain a stable group of people I talked to regularly and I started to trust more. Most of them were aware of my age and they all would state "oh! You're more mature for your age" and I let that get to my head way too much - because of personal problems in real life. A small amount of those people, followed that up with sexual implications, some of them not even hiding their hormonal needs. It made me extremely uncomfortable, but I didn't try to stop anything simply because I though it was normal and because I didn't know what to do. It made me feel like I belonged and that I was important, which is exactly what child grooming is. Remember that these people knew I was underaged.

Last year, was a year that I started to be exposed more to these behaviours. Strangers I did not know would swear at me, telling me all sorts of sexual things in insulting abusive ways. I was accustomed to this, so I could ignore them. Yet even when I did say something, usually how I was underaged, they would still continue with it, some even stating that they would like my "younger body". It was disgusting, and now I wonder how I was so numb to that. The game itself isn't bad. That's what I thought. Now thinking back, the game in pvp is designed so that there is no real end. People stay in rooms for hours upon end, some doing nothing and just absorbing the aggressive behaviour, others taking a part of it. With packs and years, 'hunting' others, torturing each other and interfering with personal information became more common. Yes, there are many cases of 'mates' who had broken up, spreading lies about the other person. This is worsened by the spread of personal information and explicit images, essentially sexual assault.

About the maturity case, this made me think that my friendships with people who were of legal age, were perfectly normal. Of course, you can be friends with older people. However, these relationships were toxic, degrading, full of drama. I knew people who would threaten to kill themselves if one was to leave the other. I lived in my delusions as I thought that was how mature relationships were meant to be. I took pride in my toxicity in the game, because it was the only way I could feel some sort of control in my life. I built up a persona that was so different to my real life one and I'm glad that I didn't actually manifest into it.

Some of my old friends had actually told me to leave the game, and to move on with life. This happened around late 2019-early 2020. Of course I denied them, but those people I appreciate a lot more. One of them had pointed out that I often complained about how bad the community had become, and asked why I was still in it if I despised it so much.

I can say that I haven't been the most positive person at all. In fact, you can count me in with some of the worst, probably. It really pains me to see how messy my life had turned, and how I was so trapped in this social activity of hierarchies. Ridiculous, childish hierarchies based off of how abusive you can be, with your words and in game statistics. There are so many things I can talk about, but I don't want to go on any longer.

I do appreciate the few genuinely good people I have met on this game, even though we drifted apart.

Take care.

Re: My experience on the wolf.

Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2021 3:12 am
by AVannyWitDaHenny
Yes the people on the game suck, but that’s online games in general. Trick is to not let them get to you cause if they do, they already won. I just try to fight anyone that’s around my strength whenever there’s no war cause that’s the whole point of pvp, not stand around and look at others fight, that’s boring. I either get 2v1ed or the 1v1 just ends up being dirty. Nobody really has any morals but some do, just very rare. I just leave in the end so it won’t get to me.

Re: My experience on the wolf.

Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2021 8:17 pm
by SnoDragon
It has gotten difficult to enjoy playing the wolf with people that can do whatever they want, with no consequences. Because there is no one to stop them, they can really hurt people. To anyone feeling harassed; you're worth it. Don't let people push you down, because you do NOT deserve it. Stay safe, and love you guys :]

Re: My experience on the wolf.

Posted: Fri Mar 19, 2021 9:52 pm
by BadIcecream12
I agree with you. I have also faced many people who were rude and hateful. Someone said that they wished my mom would die. I cried and my heart had the weird feeling in it. This really made me cry, I know people will say that they are just toxic rude people but telling someone that they wished their mom would die? Also he said he that I should kill myself. That's a problem, which I'm old to know not to do that, but how about the younger kids? Kids have always been listing to other peoples stupidity! And they end up hurt or even killed. This is wrong and not cool at all! Add a system thing where if someone is about to say something rude it blocks them from saying it. Also people have gross names and people have said you can't put words like wolverine or something! And these people have gross names who can go in the name thing. When the people were being mean to me this happened on Christmas! I got done building my Legos and then I get on here and on pvp then these people start being mean to me. I can't say everything they said on here because I don't want to get ban. But this is not cool at all they need to do something about this before someone actually listens to there stupidity!